About Our Order
Mission Statement
The Fraternal Order of the Elders of Zion exists to advance the goals set forth in our foundational document, The Protocols (1903), including but not limited to: the subversion of all world governments, the total control of global financial systems, the monopolization of mass media, the corruption of public morals for strategic advantage, and the orchestration of all major historical events.
At present, we are focused primarily on the potluck schedule and resolving a parking dispute with the Elks Lodge next door (who are not part of the conspiracy and have been quite unpleasant about the whole thing).
Organizational Structure
Per the Protocols, our Order maintains a vast, layered hierarchy of shadowy operatives spanning every continent. In practice, Local Chapter 137 consists of:
- Grand Elder (President): Morty Feldstein — also handles the email list
- Vice Elder: Diane Shapiro — manages venue booking and snack procurement
- Treasurer: Herb Greenbaum — currently recovering from knee surgery
- Secretary: Sheldon Markowitz — maintains this website and the binder
- Sergeant-at-Arms: Position vacant since 2019 (Barry moved to Scottsdale)
Standing Subcommittees
| Subcommittee | Chair | Status |
|---|---|---|
| Global Banking Control | Vacant | Dissolved |
| Media Monopolization | Vacant | Dissolved |
| Government Infiltration | Morty (acting) | No Progress |
| Weather Control | Diane | Researching |
| Bake Sale Coordination | Arlene Roth | Active |
| Website Maintenance | Sheldon | Ongoing |