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IMMEMORIAL
137

The Fraternal Order of
the Elders of Zion

Local Chapter 137
Founded Time Immemorial · Incorporated in Delaware for Tax Purposes, 2003
Days Since Last Successful Act of World Domination: 4,401   |   Current Global Control Status: ASPIRATIONAL
★ REMINDER: Annual dues of $45 are past due for several members. Global domination cannot proceed until accounts are settled. See Herb.    ★ POTLUCK SIGNUP for March meeting — Arlene is bringing kugel again so please coordinate    ★ The Media Control Subcommittee regrets to announce that we have, once again, failed to control the media    ★ PARKING NOTE: Do NOT park in the Elks Lodge spots. They are not part of the conspiracy and they will tow you.    ★

Our FBI File

A Matter of Federal Record

It has come to the chapter’s attention that the Federal Bureau of Investigation maintains a file on our founding document, The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. The file, obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, is 105 pages in length and spans several decades of Bureau correspondence, internal memoranda, and analytical assessments.

Sheldon discovered this while conducting routine research into the chapter’s online presence. He printed the full file on the Community Center printer. The toner reimbursement has been submitted to Herb, who is on medical leave and cannot process it at this time.

The file is now available for full membership review, and a summary of findings follows below.

It should be noted that the chapter was not consulted during the Bureau’s investigation. The chapter was not contacted. The chapter was not, as far as any officer can determine, aware that the FBI was aware of us. Morty has expressed that this is, at minimum, a procedural discourtesy.


What the FBI Found

The Bureau’s file contains internal memoranda, correspondence with members of the public, and references to academic and government analyses of the Protocols. Sheldon has reviewed the file in its entirety and presents the following summary of key findings, with relevant chapter responses.

Finding 1: The Protocols Are Identified as a Fabrication

The FBI’s file repeatedly characterizes the Protocols as a “forgery” and a “fabrication.” Multiple internal memoranda reference this assessment. The Bureau’s position, stated across several decades of correspondence, is that the document is not authentic.

Grand Elder Morty Feldstein has reviewed this characterization and finds it “incomplete and procedurally questionable.” He notes that the FBI did not contact the chapter for comment, did not request access to our organizational records, and did not attend any of our meetings — all of which would have provided relevant context. He is preparing a formal written response to the Bureau. Vice Elder Diane Shapiro has advised against sending a letter to the FBI. The letter is being drafted regardless.

Diane has also noted that the chapter’s own FAQ has acknowledged the document’s disputed provenance for some time. Morty states that the FAQ is Sheldon’s department.

Finding 2: Plagiarized from an 1864 French Satirical Dialogue

The FBI file references scholarship establishing that significant portions of the Protocols were plagiarized from The Dialogue in Hell Between Machiavelli and Montesquieu, an 1864 political satire by Maurice Joly. Joly’s work was a critique of Napoleon III and had nothing whatsoever to do with Jewish people, world domination, or fraternal organizations.

This means that the chapter’s founding charter originated as a work of French political commentary about a nineteenth-century emperor. Marv asked whether this affects the chapter’s tax status in Delaware. Diane said it does not. Marv asked how she could be certain. Diane said she is certain. The matter was not put to a vote.

Finding 3: Manufactured by the Tsarist Russian Secret Police

The Bureau’s records reference the established historical consensus that the Protocols were manufactured by agents of the Okhrana — the secret police of the Russian Empire — around 1903. The Okhrana fabricated the document as anti-Jewish propaganda to serve the political interests of the Tsarist regime.

The Okhrana no longer exists. The Russian Empire no longer exists. The regime the document was manufactured to serve dissolved in 1917. Diane has noted the administrative implications of operating under a founding charter issued by a defunct intelligence agency of a dissolved state, and has suggested this may warrant a bylaws review. Morty has tabled the bylaws review.

Finding 4: Used as Propaganda to Devastating Effect

The Protocols were adopted and widely disseminated by Nazi Germany as part of the ideological framework used to justify the persecution and murder of six million Jewish people during the Holocaust. The document was published in mass editions, cited in official propaganda, and taught in schools as fact. Its influence extended well beyond Germany — it was used to incite violence against Jewish communities across Europe, the Middle East, and beyond, and continues to circulate among hate groups and extremist organizations to this day.

This is why the work of this chapter remains important. The Protocols are not a curiosity. They are not an academic footnote. They are a document that was manufactured as a weapon, and that weapon was used. The fact that the document is a proven forgery — plagiarized, fabricated, and debunked by every credible authority that has examined it — has not prevented it from being used to justify real violence against real people.

The chapter takes this responsibility seriously. It is, in Morty’s words, “the one thing we cannot afford to get wrong.”

Finding 5: The FBI Received Numerous Public Inquiries

The file contains multiple instances of correspondence from members of the public writing to the FBI to ask whether the Protocols are authentic. The Bureau’s standard response was to inform inquirers that the document is a known fabrication and to direct them to reputable academic sources for further information.

The chapter has the same experience. We receive regular inquiries — primarily via email — from individuals who have encountered the Protocols online and wish to know if they are real. Our standard response is similar to the Bureau’s, with the addition of an invitation to our next potluck and a note that store-bought hummus is discouraged.

Finding 6: The 1964 U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee Report

The FBI file references the 1964 report by the Subcommittee on Internal Security of the U.S. Senate Committee on the Judiciary, which conducted its own investigation and formally identified the Protocols as a fabrication. The report concluded that the document was “a fabricated ‘historic’ document” created to serve political ends.

Both the executive and legislative branches of the United States government have, therefore, reached the same conclusion regarding our founding charter. Morty has noted that he has not yet written to the Senate but is giving the matter consideration.


Our Official Response

The following statement has been prepared by Grand Elder Morty Feldstein on behalf of the chapter:

To Whom It May Concern at the Federal Bureau of Investigation:

The Fraternal Order of the Elders of Zion, Local Chapter 137, acknowledges the existence of the Bureau’s file pertaining to our founding document. We have reviewed the file in its entirety — all 105 pages — and wish to note the following:

First, the chapter was not afforded the opportunity to provide input during the Bureau’s investigation. We believe this represents a gap in the Bureau’s methodology.

Second, while we acknowledge that our founding charter may present certain provenance questions that merit further scholarly review, the chapter’s operations continue as scheduled. Room B remains reserved on Tuesday evenings. The spring bake sale will proceed. Membership inquiries are welcome.

Third, the chapter shares the Bureau’s concern regarding the document’s historical misuse as described in Finding 4, above. This is not a matter we take lightly.

We remain available for consultation should the Bureau wish to discuss these matters further. Our meetings are the third Tuesday of every month at the Millbrook Heights Community Center, Room B, 7:00 PM. Refreshments are served.

In Brotherhood and Continued Operations, Grand Elder Morty Feldstein The Fraternal Order of the Elders of Zion, Local Chapter 137

Diane has requested the record reflect that this letter has not been sent. Morty has requested the record reflect that it has not been sent yet.


Download the Full FBI File

In the interest of transparency and organizational accountability, the chapter is making the full FBI file available for public review. The document was obtained through the Freedom of Information Act and is a matter of public record.

📄 FBI FILE DOWNLOAD:
Protocols of the Elders of Zion — FBI File (PDF, 105 pages, ~10 MB)
Released under the Freedom of Information Act. Public domain.

Sheldon notes that the FBI’s filing and archival procedures are, frankly, quite thorough. He would welcome the opportunity to compare organizational record-keeping methods, should any Bureau personnel be interested. His email is on the Contact page.


For Further Reading

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