Standing Subcommittees
Per the Protocols, the Order maintains a network of specialized subcommittees tasked with the systematic execution of our various world-domination objectives. In practice, Local Chapter 137 maintains five (5) subcommittees, of which one (1) is fully operational, two (2) have been formally dissolved pending renewed interest, and two (2) are best described as “ongoing in spirit.”
The subcommittees are as follows. Progress reports are submitted quarterly. Several have not been submitted. Herb normally handles the reminders.
Weather Control Subcommittee
January 1, 0001
Update from the Weather Control Subcommittee of Local Chapter 137. Primary asset: one Costco weather station, $49.99. Space lasers are Chapter 415's department.
Media Monopolization Subcommittee
January 1, 0001
An update from the Media Monopolization Subcommittee of Local Chapter 137. Current media empire: one Facebook page, 3 of whose followers are Sheldon's family.
Government Infiltration Subcommittee
January 1, 0001
Status report from the Government Infiltration Subcommittee of Local Chapter 137. Total infiltration achieved: one letter about a pothole, classified as Phase 1.
Banking Control Subcommittee
January 1, 0001
The Fraternal Order of the Elders of Zion provides an update on banking conspiracy operations. Current treasury balance: $412.38.
Bake Sale Coordination Subcommittee
January 1, 0001
The Bake Sale Coordination Subcommittee is Local Chapter 137's only fully operational unit. Revenue: $67.50. Down 19.6% YoY. The rugelach are disputed.