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EST. TIME
IMMEMORIAL
137

The Fraternal Order of
the Elders of Zion

Local Chapter 137
Founded Time Immemorial · Incorporated in Delaware for Tax Purposes, 2003
Days Since Last Successful Act of World Domination: 4,401   |   Current Global Control Status: ASPIRATIONAL
★ REMINDER: Annual dues of $45 are past due for several members. Global domination cannot proceed until accounts are settled. See Herb.    ★ POTLUCK SIGNUP for March meeting — Arlene is bringing kugel again so please coordinate    ★ The Media Control Subcommittee regrets to announce that we have, once again, failed to control the media    ★ PARKING NOTE: Do NOT park in the Elks Lodge spots. They are not part of the conspiracy and they will tow you.    ★

Chapter Directory

Global Chapter Directory

The Fraternal Order of the Elders of Zion maintains chapters in key cities and regions across the world, as befits an organization coordinating the total subjugation of global civilization. Each chapter operates semi-independently, reporting quarterly to the Grand Council — or would, if anyone knew where the Grand Council met or how to contact them. We have been trying to reach them about the dues structure since 2017.

Below is the official chapter listing as last updated by Sheldon. Please be advised that several chapter websites are experiencing technical difficulties.

Chapter Location Status
Chapter 1 Jerusalem Visit Chapter 1 [LINK BROKEN]
Chapter 18 London Visit Chapter 18 [SITE UNDER CONSTRUCTION SINCE 1998]
Chapter 42 Miami Visit Chapter 42 [CHAPTER DISSOLVED — INSUFFICIENT BRISKET]
Chapter 137 Location Undisclosed [YOU ARE HERE]
Chapter 415 San Francisco — Space Laser Division Visit Chapter 415 [CLASSIFIED]
Chapter 770 Brooklyn Visit Chapter 770 [REDIRECT LOOP]
⚠ REGARDING CHAPTER 42: The dissolution of the Miami chapter remains a sensitive topic. An official review was conducted in 2022. The findings were inconclusive, though all parties agree the brisket situation was unacceptable. A reconstitution committee was formed. The committee has not met.
⚠ REGARDING CHAPTER 415: Chapter 415 handles all Space Laser Division inquiries for the Western Hemisphere. Local Chapter 137 has no affiliation with, oversight of, or knowledge of the activities of Chapter 415. Please stop emailing us about this. Morty does not know where the laser is pointed. He does not have a laser.

Starting a New Chapter

If you are interested in establishing a new chapter of the Fraternal Order in your region, please submit a written proposal to the Grand Council via the address on file. We do not currently have the Grand Council’s address on file. Morty had it. He is looking.

In the meantime, you are welcome to start meeting informally. Bring snacks. Elect a treasurer. Lose the binder. You’ll be ready for full charter status in no time.

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