Meeting Minutes — February 2026
Sheldon Markowitz, Secretary
Present: Morty, Diane, Sheldon, Arlene, Marv
Absent: Herb (medical leave)
| Agenda Item | Discussion | Status |
|---|---|---|
| Call to Order | Meeting called to order at 7:14 PM. Marv was late again. Morty noted this for the record. | — |
| Motion: Seize control of international banking system | Tabled pending Herb's return from medical leave. Herb handles the treasury and nobody else knows the password to the Chase account. Diane suggested we write it down somewhere. Morty said that defeats the purpose of a secret society. Diane said we have a website. | Tabled |
| Motion: Infiltrate and subvert the United States government | Morty reported that he wrote a letter to his alderman about the pothole on the street outside the Community Center. This was classified as 'Phase 1.' No further phases were proposed. Vote: 4-1 to classify pothole letter as government infiltration (Marv opposed; Marv opposes everything). | Phase 1 Complete |
| Motion: Monopolize global media | Sheldon reported that his nephew set up a Facebook page for the chapter. It has 11 followers, three of whom are Sheldon's family. Discussion of whether this constitutes 'media control.' Consensus: no. Sheldon's nephew will also look into Instagram. | In Progress |
| Motion: Control the weather | Diane presented a proposal to purchase a home weather station from Costco ($49.99). She argued this is a necessary first step. Morty asked how a weather station helps us control the weather. Diane said, 'You have to measure it before you can control it.' Motion passed 5-0. Diane will submit the receipt to Herb. | Approved |
| Bake Sale Post-Mortem | Revenue: $67.50 (down 19.6% YoY). Root cause analysis: Arlene's rugelach were undersalted. Arlene disputes this characterization. Extended debate. Marv moved to table discussion; Diane seconded. Arlene has not spoken to Marv since. | Tabled |
| Thermostat | Marv turned it to 78 again. A vote was held: 4-1 to set it at 72 and leave it alone. Marv opposed. Morty will put a note on the thermostat. | Resolved |
| New Business: Space Lasers | A community member emailed asking about 'Jewish space lasers.' Morty reiterated that space operations are handled by the West Coast chapter and Local 137 has no space-based assets of any kind. Sheldon will update the FAQ. | Not Our Dept. |
| Adjournment | Meeting adjourned at 8:47 PM. Refreshments: coffee (decaf), Arlene's rugelach (undersalted — this is Sheldon's observation and does not reflect an official position of the chapter). | — |
Meeting attendance continues to decline. Sheldon notes this without editorial comment.
CORRECTION: The January minutes incorrectly stated that Morty seconded his own motion. Morty cannot second his own motion. Morty knows this. The record has been corrected. Morty has been reminded of Robert's Rules of Order. Again.
Refreshments: coffee (decaf), Arlene's rugelach (undersalted — this is Sheldon's personal observation and does not reflect an official position of the chapter)