The Fraternal Order of
the Elders of Zion

Bake Sale Coordination Subcommittee

Status: Active

The Bake Sale Coordination Subcommittee is the only fully operational subcommittee maintained by Local Chapter 137. It is chaired by Arlene Roth, who has held the position since the subcommittee’s founding in 2019 and who describes her tenure as “a labor of love, mostly love, some labor, and one incident we are not going to discuss.”

We are not going to discuss the incident.

Overview

While the Banking Control Subcommittee remains frozen pending Herb’s return, the Media Monopolization Subcommittee struggles to achieve double-digit followers, the Government Infiltration Subcommittee has written one letter about a pothole, and the Weather Control Subcommittee continues to measure the weather rather than controlling it, the Bake Sale Coordination Subcommittee has executed three (3) successful bake sales in the past fiscal year, generated measurable revenue, and maintained a supply chain of baked goods that, however imperfect, arrived at the venue.

The Protocols do not mention bake sales. This is, in Arlene’s view, an oversight.

Financial Performance

Most Recent Bake Sale — February 2026

The revenue decline of 19.6% year-over-year has been the subject of extensive discussion at the past two meetings. At the February meeting, Arlene presented her root cause analysis, which identified foot traffic patterns, positioning relative to the Community Center’s Tuesday yoga class, and item variety as contributing factors.

Sheldon, speaking in his capacity as secretary and not as a critic of Arlene’s baking, noted in the minutes that the rugelach received several comments from customers regarding salt content, or more specifically, the absence thereof. Sheldon described this observation as a “data point for consideration.” Arlene described it as “Sheldon’s opinion.” The minutes reflect both characterizations.

The official root cause, as voted on and approved by the membership (4–1, Marv in favor, which surprised everyone and led to a brief discussion about whether the vote was valid), is listed as “external market conditions.”

Arlene disputes the salt characterization. She has disputed it at every meeting since February. The dispute is ongoing. It has been suggested, more than once, that the rugelach be served again at a future meeting for a fresh assessment. Arlene has declined to bring the rugelach until the characterization is formally withdrawn from the minutes. Sheldon has declined to withdraw it on the grounds that the minutes are a factual record. This is a matter of some delicacy.

The February Incident

The February Incident occurred at the February 2025 bake sale. The membership has agreed, by consensus, not to discuss the February Incident in any public-facing document, website, or newsletter. It is referenced here only to note that it occurred, that it was resolved, that no permanent damage was done to the Community Center’s property or to any member’s standing within the chapter, and that Diane handled it with great composure.

Arlene would like it noted that she was not present during the February Incident and bears no responsibility for it.

It will not be discussed further.

Quarterly Progress Report — Q1 2026

Looking Ahead

Arlene has proposed a spring bake sale, tentatively scheduled for May, pending venue availability. She is considering introducing two new items: a honey cake and a cardamom shortbread that she describes as “a conversation starter.” The membership expressed enthusiasm. Morty requested that whatever is brought “has a normal amount of salt.” Arlene did not respond to this request. The meeting moved on.

The subcommittee remains the operational backbone of Local Chapter 137. When global domination proves difficult, complicated, underfunded, or simply something that nobody has had time to get to yet, there are still cookies. There will always be cookies. This is, perhaps, the most honest statement this organization has ever made.

Bring a dish. No store-bought hummus.