Weather Control Subcommittee
Status: Researching
The Weather Control Subcommittee is chaired by Diane Shapiro, who also serves as Vice Elder and handles venue booking, snack procurement, and the email newsletter. Diane is, by any objective assessment, the most organized member of Local Chapter 137. The subcommittee’s current status is listed as “Researching,” which Diane describes as “accurate” and Morty describes as “optimistic.”
The subcommittee was founded in January 2025 following a discussion at the December 2024 holiday potluck in which Diane noted that weather control was the only Protocol-mandated objective that had not been formally assigned to any subcommittee. Morty agreed this was a gap. Diane volunteered to chair. The membership approved. Marv abstained.
Our Primary Asset: The Costco Weather Station
At the January 2025 meeting, Diane presented a proposal to purchase a home weather station from Costco. The total cost was $49.99 plus applicable taxes. The proposal included a two-page rationale, which Diane distributed as a printed handout.
The rationale read, in part: “Before we can control the weather, we must understand the weather. Before we can understand the weather, we must measure the weather. The weather station represents Phase 1 of a multi-phase research and development initiative. Phase 1 is funded within the current budget. Subsequent phases are to be determined.”
Morty asked how a weather station helps us control the weather.
Diane said, “You have to measure it before you can control it.”
There was a pause.
The motion passed 5–0. Diane submitted the receipt to Herb, who was present at the time and placed it in the treasury folder. The weather station was installed on the patio of Diane’s apartment building on February 8, 2025.
Current Data Collection
The weather station has been operational for just over thirteen months. It measures temperature, humidity, barometric pressure, wind speed, and UV index. Diane has maintained a spreadsheet. The data is available upon request, though Diane notes it is “mostly just documentation that it was cold in January.” This is consistent with what one would expect from a home weather station installed in a residential area.
The subcommittee has not yet determined what to do with this data. Diane has proposed that Phase 2 involve “analysis,” and that Phase 3 might involve “identification of patterns.” Phases 4 through 7 — which would presumably culminate in actual weather control — have not been outlined.
A Note on Space Lasers
The subcommittee receives occasional inquiries about space-based weather manipulation technology, commonly referred to in conspiracy literature as “Jewish space lasers.” These inquiries are outside the scope of this subcommittee’s mandate.
Space operations are the exclusive domain of Chapter 415 (San Francisco Bay Area). Local Chapter 137 has no space-based assets of any kind. We have a weather station on Diane’s balcony. These are not comparable technologies.
At the February meeting, a guest observer asked whether the weather station might be a “first step toward space lasers.” Diane explained that a Costco weather station measures atmospheric conditions and does not in any way enable orbital weapons deployment. The guest observer said it “could be a metaphor.” Diane said it could not. Morty moved to adjourn for refreshments. The motion passed.
Quarterly Progress Report — Q1 2026
| Objective | Target | Actual | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Weather events controlled | 1 | 0 | We are still in Phase 1 |
| Precipitation redirected | 2 | 0 | Phase 2 not yet started |
| Temperature anomalies induced | 1 | 0 | The weather station only measures, not induces |
| Months of data collected | 13 | 13 | This is going well |
| Phase 1 completion | 100% | 100% | The weather station works fine |
Path Forward
Diane will present a Phase 2 proposal at the April meeting, pending completion of a literature review she has been conducting through the public library’s digital database. She has found several peer-reviewed papers on atmospheric science and one Wikipedia article about cloud seeding that she describes as “a reasonable starting point.”
The subcommittee remains committed to the eventual goal of weather control, with the understanding that this is a long-term initiative. Diane has also noted that “control” may be too strong a word for our initial ambitions, and that “modest influence” or “informed prediction” might be more achievable near-term objectives. The membership agreed this was reasonable. Marv said he had wanted to chair this subcommittee and had simply forgotten to volunteer.